"The women of Bikini Kill let guitarist Billy Karren be in their feminist punk band, but only if he's willing to just "do some shit." Being a feminist dude is like that. We may ask you to "do some shit" for the band, but you don't get to be Kathleen Hannah."--@heatherurehere


Thursday, September 20, 2007

Feminism Helps Men: New Lenses, New Mirrors

One of the great ways that feminism helps men is to give us another set of lenses for looking at the world. This means not only incorporating the perspectives of others and another set of theoretical frameworks when trying to understand the world; it also means having some new lenses and a set of theoretical frameworks for understanding ourselves. Sometimes I wonder about the need for feminist men to not only find ways in which feminism helps men, but also to explain to other men, non-feminist men, how feminism helps men. Sometimes I wonder, about this or that particular aspect of feminism: Isn't it enough that it's true? Or: Isn't it enough that it helps women?

But the practical side of my brain tends to take over, eventually, and I start worrying about how we're actually going to change the world, what the best paths to do that are--so I begin to think that, yes, if feminism does help men, we should shout from the rooftops the ways in which it does. Should selfish motivation be the primary motivator encouraging men to use feminist lenses, to do feminist work? One would hope that it wasn't always, but perhaps selfish motivation is the only way that some men, some of the time, are going to come to begin to examine feminist ideals. And if some of those men are reached, then I say it's worth trying. (I also think that attempting to appeal to those men is primarily the responsibility of other men--women have enough on their plates.)

And certainly, lots of men see some types of feminism as harming men, rather than helping them. Though this is almost always some version of 'kill the messenger' mentality, it's somewhat understandable where some of these ideas come from--there is lots of privilege to renounce, lots of power to give up--at least on the face of it, for men, so messages about patriarchy . But of course it's much more complex than that--and what men give up now because of their role in patriarchy, because of what they have to do in order to be seen as Real Men (and therefore to keep their privilege), because of the way that traditional male masculinity beats them down, is often hidden. One way that feminism helps men is to point out the damage that happens from the social enforcement of rigid gender roles, damage that happens to both women and men.

The ways in which men are damaged by rigid, traditional masculinity are myriad, and in the coming weeks I hope to analyze some of them, but the one that sticks out most in my own psyche has to do with the traditional stereotypes of women-as-social and men-as-independent/autonomous. As with many traditional gender roles, these two 'sides' are defined in terms of their supposed oppositional status, as if being social and being independent were entirely disparate sorts of things. There is lots of feminist writing out there which debunks the very idea that these things are oppositional: I recommend both Relational Autonomy, an anthology edited by Catriona Mackenzie and Natalie Stoljar, and The Autonomy Myth: A Theory of Dependency, by Martha Albertson Fineman.

The essays in Relational Autonomy read more like philosophy of feminism to me, and are in some ways more esoteric, but they tackle complex notions of agency from feminist perspectives quite well. The Autonomy Myth is a mix of sociology and feminism (in my mind) that debunks a lot of the ideas around so-called autonomy, pointing out the relational aspects of autonomy (i.e. 'the family' has often been thought of in political/social theory as an autonomous unit, but of course families depend to no small degree on 'the state,' and even what a family consists in is regulated by the state--who can and can't get married, for instance).

I could (and will!) mine these works for lots of ideas here, but my main point is this: Without the influences of feminism, these types of analysis wouldn't be happening the way they are. Without feminism, we might not understand that 'autonomous' doesn't mean 'without others'--we might miss some of the connections. And, in missing those connections, we get more caught up in false dichotomies and rigid gender roles.

2 comments:

geo said...

Your talk of autonomy for me leads to a key issue related to feminism and men. How do we as men relate to other men? Traditionally our relationships with other men tend towards things like:

1. Doing: - a. sports, b. fixing/building/cleaning up or

2. Talking about: - a. sports or b. women

Even when intellectually we realize that feminism should be "good", emotionally we often see women as having ties with other women - which leave us out - we don't relate.

We also are dependent upon women - as lovers, mothers, and friends - for most of our emotional support.

Magazines talk to women as mothers and of course in areas which can be problematic such as clothes/ make-up and "relationships" and similar.

As men - in magazines - we have - sports, women, and perhaps a little more, but really not anything that talks about relating to men - as men.

Gay men often have men's worlds. Rarely are such worlds tied to Het Men.

Anti-feminist men - can relate to other men - in speaking of their anger towards women.

Mytho-poetic men - through the ideas of Robert Bly and his disciples have reached some predominantly non-Gay men in creating a way of men being with other men.

I can't see how we as Men will relate more than in relatively small numbers to Feminism until - Men relating to Men - becomes an important goal of mainstream society in various ways.

It is one thing to see Men's Groups in some mainstream churches which support the church and its mission.

It is another thing to envision a world where Men will be a part of "Men's Communities" in various ways - beyond the softball teams and similar - where we relate to other men - in significant - deep - emotional ways.

Obviously - homophobia is in the way! When two women listen to each other and are close friends, we don't presume that they are necessarily Lesbians, though that should be "normal" of course.

When being male - helps us Want to be with Other Men (Het Men wanting to be with Men who may or may not be Het) - in various ways - Men - listening and hearing and feeling - together, we may become more "whole" and be able to relate to Women - as - "full Humans" - no longer envious and separated by our isolation - as Men.

We've got a long way to go! I find it hard to see how we will otherwise - relate to Feminism - positively (in large numbers).

Thanks!

Jeff Pollet said...

Thanks for the great comments, Geo. I think there's a lot to be said about the ways in which men need to learn to relate to each other. Hopefully I can post more about it in the near future.

I do think that we need to be careful not to undervalue the good that relating to other men (and women!) through sports, fixing stuff, building, cleaning and the like can do. I think that good is, currently, a bit limiting, because you can't, say, talk about how you went on a crying jag last night because of the awful state of the world while you're at the baseball game, but there is much to be had in the world of such camaraderie. Hugo comes to mind as somebody who relates well to other men with sports as a vehicle. I've recently started doing some woodworking with a close male friend of mine, and there's something lovely and intimate about creating stuff together.

Your points still hold, of course, and there's much to explore there!